Welcome to the Grief Club by Janine Kwoh

Author:Janine Kwoh
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Workman Publishing Company
Published: 2021-12-03T14:49:37+00:00

You can hold conflicting feelings.

One of the many surreal aspects of grief is having seemingly contradictory thoughts or feelings: I’m fine and not fine. I know they’re dead and I can’t believe they’re gone. These can feel impossible to reconcile—how can they be in opposition to each other and both be true? It can feel like we have to choose. But as confusing and difficult as it is, we are capable of holding multiple complicated truths at the same time.

The case for joy.

In the depths of your grief, it can be hard—or impossible—to feel joy. Even when you reach for it, it can feel as if the place where joy used to reside now just houses more sorrow. It can seem like joy is forever lost to ;you.

But joy is irrepressible. Even in times of deepest despair, it eventually finds its way to the surface. At first, it appears in flashes—a peaceful moment in the sun, the slight upturn of a smile. Gradually, it shows up in more moments and stays for longer stretches of time.

Those first inklings of joy can bring a mix of emotions. They can come as a relief, a welcome sign that the acuteness of your pain is finally starting to abate and proof that you can still feel happiness. But if the pain of their death feels like your last remaining connection to them, you might wonder: If I lose the intensity of my pain, will I also lose that connection?

The pain of their death is not the only bond you have left. Joy also connects you to them through the happiness they brought to your life when they were alive. Maybe they always made you smile or laugh, or instilled in you an appreciation for music or food or travel, or taught you how to slow down and enjoy everyday pleasures. By continuing to find delight in the things you shared, you bring them forward with you, not only in your sadness, but also in your joy.

Joy is not at odds with our grief, but rather an essential part of our healing. Joy gives us a bit of relief when it hurts too much to keep going; it provides fuel to keep living. Joy reminds us what we’re living for.

Let joy in. Embrace it. Seek it out and create more for yourself in whatever ways you can.

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